Delighting in the Ordinary

One of my favorite Christian authors and speakers is Juli Ann Barnhill! Have you heard of her? She wrote "She's Gonna Blow" as well as other great mommy books! In one of her talks, she tells moms how important it is to delight in the ordinary. Just think about that for a moment! That is something that has resonated with me for the last 3 years. I have struggled with expecting perfection from my imperfect kids. My 1st born doesn't make straight A's by no fault of her but because a learning disability. OUCH. My son is SHY which means playing ball is overwhelming to him. OUCH. My youngest throws fits in public STILL. OUCH. Anyways, you get my point. So, daily I remind myself that I MUST delight in the ordinary things to stay sane and in a joyful place in my life as a mother. It is great if my son makes his bed by putting the comforter on horizontally instead of vertically. At least he made the effort! It is okay if we don't have any areas of olympic qualifying abilities. We are just trying to find our way to the talents and purposes that God has planned for us. It just takes some of us longer than others......... maybe even a lifetime. In the meantime, I will delight in the ordinary, and if something extraordinary happens along the way, we will really celebrate!

Here is the story I love so much that inspired today's thoughts:

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

DELUSIONAL WOMAN!!

Well, we are back from our family vacation. I must say................I went into this vacation with the TOTALLY wrong mindset. My selfishness struck again. It is so true that we set ourselves up with unrealistic expectations over and over again as moms. Don't ya think??

While getting ready for this trip, I would share with folks that my hope for the trip was to lie pool side with a good book and a yummy beverage and bask in nothingness! UMMMM! YEAH RIGHT!! Did I think I had a nanny coming along or something?? Yes, I am delusional! Admitting my problem is the first step to being cured right?

Instead, I should have said that I was going on this trip with the expectation of playing with my kids, watching daddy play with my kids, and having fun together as a family. WE DID DO THAT!

I can't help but feel some sadness about the quiet pool-time and book reading that didn't happen, but that is for another trip another time. FOR THIS IS MY SEASON and the time for this SEASON is now.

I wonder what other areas of my life that selfishness has taken a stronghold. Where else am I not dying to myself?? Oh, there are lots I fear!

Proverbs 31:15

¹⁵She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.

disciplined

communication

Okay, I am blogging today to make up for missed days this week. I can't BELIEVE how busy this summer has already been! We were at the pool everyday this week for swim team practice and swimming lessons for the wee ones. My children have evolved into FISH!

I have heard lots of folks talking about communication breakdowns in marriages and family situations lately, so my thoughts today pertain to that! The most GENIUS thing I have learned in the last few years is the 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapmen!!! We have had The Purpose Driven Life, The Prayer of Jabez, Wild at Heart, and many other books and studies that have been wildly popular over the last decade and rightfully so! However, the one I apply to my life the most is the love languages. At the end of the day, life application is where it is at!! Won't you agree?

Learning my husband's love language is instrumental in predicting what he wants and needs from me which leads him to feel as loved as he can in our marriage. That being said, I still fail a lot of the time at meeting those needs. However, being aware of them makes things better than they would be otherwise! I truly believe that. For example, when we were first married, I worried constantly about making sure dinner was ready, keeping the house picked up, and ironing his clothes. I would get really frustrated when he didn't seem to notice or care when I did those things!!! Well, here is why...........His primary love language is NOT acts of service it is quality time; FURTHERMORE, mine is WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT.

I am embarrassed about words of encouragement being mine. It sounds like it means I need to be praised constantly and doing things is about getting that praise! As a Christian, I know I don't do things for that reason. I think it is more about words effecting me and resonating with me more than they would for someone of a different language. I am a wordy! I love to talk and listen and banter and things really do sink in with me. That is my defense for my embarrassing LL! LOL!

Then there is the love languages of our children that must be learned for better communication purposes. What a cool thing to do! If you are like me, your home is NOT always the peaceful serene place your heart so desires. Let's face it......... when you have kids, there is DRAMA. I have been blessed with 3 sensitive children, and how I handle 1 child does NOT work for the other 2. Parenting is hard, and I truly believe knowing their individual love languages helps everyone.

In short, learn your family members love language. If you work closely with people, learn your co-workers love language. You may stop making Sally cry and you may gain a new close bond with someone that you clashed with before!!!

Here are the quizzes:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

encouraging words

I remember Beth Moore saying in her study on Esther: We were born for such a time as this. This is actually what is said of Queen Esther in the book of Esther. She was born for such a time as that. I SO LOVE THAT. When we start hitting hard times in our lives or when things change suddenly on us, we should keep in mind that we were born FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS!!!! God has a plan for us no matter how small and insignificant we feel! Every spill we clean, every back we rub, every throw-up mess we deal with in the middle of the night, are all done for a greater good and for HIS glory. For we were born for such a time as this!!!! I hope that is a little encouragement for all of you today.

"Who knows but that you were born for such a time as this?" and so she answers: "...I will go to the king even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish" (Esther 4:14).

Keeping it Real

Just when I think my kids are getting nice and big and past certain issues we have an incident like we did last night. We were swimming at the pool with our longtime dear friends at a local pool. We were all having a great time until it was time to go. My youngest who is 5 decides to start crying loudly and loses all ability to function simply because it is time to go. She throws this fit for the 20 + minutes it takes us to pack up and get out to the car. This happened only an hour after I had just told my friend how Haylie was my easiest kid. This tantrum was just Haylie keeping it real!

See the picture below..................................

Day 2

As my 3 children run around pestering each other with loud feet and LOUD voices, I am wondering how I am going to be able to write this blog with any real concentration this summer.

Questions to ponder...............

Will NOT getting a career now desperately hurt my chances of ever getting one down the road?

Do I really worry about what other people think of me if I am just a stay at home mom while they are all in school?

Will I be able to keep some sort of happiness and internal satisfaction staying home?

What am I teaching my children if I have a college degree but don't use it?

I think the answer to these questions has to do with my identity in CHRIST ALONE. Who does He say that I am and should be and what pleases HIM. I am often reminded of this verse:

“If anyone wants to become my follower, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.”

Jesus in Luke 9:23-24

The truth is that going back to work may be for the selfish me and may not involve denying myself and taking up the cross at all. The hard thing for me, in so many ways, would be to continue to stay home, but everything I do here at home is for Jesus and leading my children to a relationship with him.

But is it really right if I fail at every turn????

Okay, so staying home is probably the right thing. So tomorrow we can look at ways to do it without going insane? Or ways to be encouraged by that role?

Okay, I hear lots of banging and crashing going on upstairs. I think I better stop for today and engage with the children before there isn't a house left to engage in.

My inner secret just for you is that I need to figure out how to be happy staying at home and feel like I am enough and like it is enough for me. ANYONE RELATE?? ANYONE?

AND!!!! I do know that I am blessed to have a choice!

DAY ONE

I have decided to start a blog as a tool to navigate my personal journey through motherhood phase 2! I am calling phase 1: infancy - preschool years and phase 2: school aged years. I will worry about the next phase later! I am entering the sea of phase 2 and I am on a new boat with all new controls! Which way do I go, and what button will get me there? MAYDAY!

I am sure many of you can relate to the stage I am at now. My youngest child Haylie will begin kindergarten in the fall leaving me to ponder my place in this world. That sounds SO DRAMATIC! Honestly, it feels dramatic (or traumatic). When my first of 3 children was born, my husband Chad and I had clear thoughts and a clear purpose. In fact, it was very black and white for my husband and myself; I am and will remain a STAY AT HOME MOM. That seemed to be what the Lord said to us. I never dreamed I would feel this wavering and unsure position that I am in now; this new boat. My heavenly navigator is giving me directions, but I am not sure I am hearing them yet.

As a Christian, I feel that I need to go back to my roots and remember the thoughts and reasonings behind being a stay at home mom that committed us to that long term path in the beginning. It was necessary at first. After all, there would be daycare expenses, bonding and nurturing during those "formative years", and flexibility when it came too illnesses and doctor's visits. All logical and important reasons. There was also my heart and its desires to be where God was calling me to be which was with my babies.

But, none of those reasons work for me now expect God is still calling me to be with my children. So, I want to write this blog DAILY as a learning process for myself and anyone else in, near, or around MY BOAT! HOP ON. Let's REDISCOVER why MOTHERING is ENOUGH! I hope you will be able to come here and feel encouraged, enlightened, and maybe have a little "I am so glad I am not alone" moments along the way.